Fears

So I turn 23 tomorrow - dear God why? I have all these people coming up to me telling me how they think this next year is just going to be incredible, that I am going to do so much in my life. I hope so! It's about bloody time I get a move on. So, I consider this a second New Year's resolution (if that makes any sense). This will be a year of taking chances, pushing my limits and capacity as an artist, I have the resolve to begin refining/mastering my skills. It's good to be scared sometimes... what else motivates us to move? I mean, it doesn't always have to be fear but I once heard a very famous woman say "It's better to do it afraid then not at all". I would have to agree with that. Taking chances is something we all long to do. Don't we usually take chances in loving someone? I hope I learn my lesson at age 23, and not 40. To take my chances, because half the battle is just showing up.

Under 16?

Went shopping - nothing new there. Chose the Mall of America (MOA) and all of it's fantastic stores - been there over 50 times. Went into Bloomingdales - millionth time through the doors? Came out after being in there for about 5 minutes, about to walk into the main area of the MOA. Security guy pulls my cousin and I over. Picture this: Two girls, both about 6 foot 1 with heels. Lauren is 19, I'm 22 (three days till 23 baby). He says that his name is something or the other, I'm security for the MOA, and I need to see identification that you are not under 16 years. Come again? He repeats himself. Lauren and I look at each other... where's the hidden camera, is he for real??? Another girl walks out (she's clearly under 16). Same stunt. She calls her mom and she com gets her. I left my ID in my car, all I have is my credit card, some cash, my phone and car keys. Lauren asks if he's serious. Yes maam, I am serious and this is a very serious inquiry. If you don't have your ID you must leave the MOA. (Turna out ppl under the age of 16 can't be here with out adult supervision on the weekends because of previous gang fights). I look at him and tell him that I don't have my ID, and do I really look like I am 16!!?? WHAT THE BLEEP IS WRONG WITH YOU? Is was what I wanted to say. Lauren calls her mom - thank God she was in the mall. haha So she rocks up, and tells him - this is my daughter, she's 19 - and this is my niece, she's 22, don't you have anything else better to do with your time??? Sorry maam, this is my job, and I take all offenses very seriously. Ok, right, well byyyyyyyyyeeee.

I was mad for a while. He said that I actually looked like I could have been 16. I don't know whether I should be offended or happy. What's a girl to do?

Say what!?

So it all started about a month ago... I was in a super Target, downtown Minneapolis. A friend and I were on our lunch break, trying to find something tasty. I was following my pal down a random aisle, she was on the hunt for something with chocolate (we're girls). Down this particular aisle there are two girls, quite cute, and they visibly are checking me out as I walk by. Ok, weird. I know I have cut my hair, gotten a few comments from people who think I'm, uh, well... that I like girls. hehe. I'm a little put off, but no biggie, whatever. My friend and I begin to head for the next aisle. We're not their even there for a minute, when out of the corner of mine eye I see the same girls. Great, they're looking at me, talking about something in my general direction... what the heck do you want!!?? My day gets even better as they start walking towards me, smiling. I nudge my friend... wanna check out? haha, no luck. I'm cornered. First girl - sorry to bother you, but my friend and I just couldn't ignore your amazing style and look... "what?" "really?" "why me?" Those were the first few things running through that crazy brain of mine. Second girl - we don't mean to intrude or be weird, but we're hair stylists and we would love for you to be our model. Again... "huh?" I was so amused with my own stupidity and general feeling of being "lost" that somehow a smile magically came across my face. DANG IT! I'm smiling, they obviously think they have hit a home run here. SH*&T. Ok, just go with it. My friend "that sounds so cool!" So, I agree, sucker that I am, coupled with the fact of free haircut + color + makeup + F-U-N! Girls day come true, right? So a week later I show up, they give a wicked cut, color it up, then schedule my makeup/make-over. I come in later that week, get my hair styled, makeup done (about an hours worth, ugh) and get some pictures taken of my new look in a skyway downtown (as people are passing by). I walk away with a hilarious/fun experience, and the highlight? GREAT hair. Win win. 

Next one - My cousin and I are strolling through the Mall of America. I say strolling because we have no money and the only thing we buy is... you guessed it, chocolate!!! Not just any kind of chocolate though... Godiva baby, they have the most delectable lemon chiffon truffle. Anyway, now that my mouth is watering, on with this random tale. As we go in to a store, the sales person approaches us, asks us if we need help. Typical answer comes out of our mouths (no, we're just browsing). Figure the next thing out of her mouth will be (ok, well let me know if you need any help) So we mumble something like "mm hmm, ok." Wait, hold on... what did she say? Are we models? Hahahahahahaha... no. Come again? In short, I got signed up to do a small photo shoot with a young, talented photographer from the twin cities. Yay! So, I end up going to the studio, late at night, after my cousin has wisely advised me to refrain from taking any food they might offer... it might have date rape drugs in it? Ok, I'll take your word on it. Praise God, no food, so I wasn't tempted, lmao. All in all, really fun experience.

Number three - I'm at a coffee shop, one of my numerous fashion books is lying on the table face up. This lady comes over... "You are NOT into fashion!! You? Someone from Minnesota!?" Ummm, yeah, I am :) Turns out she's an upcoming fashion designer, doing a lot with organic materials. Asks me to be a model. Ok, sure... why not? So, not only do I sign on, but I get my cousin and aunt to join :) We're taking over the world, shhh, don't tell anyone. 

Thus, my life's recent story. It amuses me to no end to think that I have done some "modeling". Never thought that would be... well, just never though it would BE. Cheers to random moments and life's many adventures!

Give me strength

God, give me the strength to love as I ought... a love deemed worthy? Yet, what worth have I? I count myself the least of these, and yet You have exalted something deep within me. This fire is only caused by You. Regardless of whether I understand, I should act. To reach out when I know I fell prompted... fool that I am to give into my pride! I would ask You to choose another... but this cup carries a sweetness that is revealed every time I choose Your way. I often wonder at experiences - they have the opportunity to mold someone, to change how they view the world. I have been fortunate enough to have experienced Your love, in many various contexts. Such us Your jealous love - when I strayed away. Your sacrificial love - as I wept at reading your death for my sins. Your lover's love - as you comfort my soul when I am in need. Your fatherly love - and words of affirmation I receive. What a great love You have for me, and it is my prayer that I have strength and diligence with what that love has seen fit to bless me with. Family, friends, dreams, etc. They all answer to you. My heart knows You in a way I didn't even know. it's like there are two parts of me that know You. The mind knows You... my knowledge in and of You. But then, there is a part of me that I can only say is like Your creation. I know my master's call... odd, but so true. I answer to no one but You. No other name has power to re-claim my soul. If I have found favor in your sight, if my family has done well to follow your ways... then grant me the strength to make each day count. I am resolved to see this through, till the end of my days... and I know I will not be alone on this journey, whether I may be daunted by times of fear, doubt, etc. I know You are there... my love.

Rajasthan- land of lore

India never ceases to amaze me. I recently finished a short four day trip to Rajasthan with my family. There is so much to see, and four days is not enough, but it was a worth while trip. The architecture of these palaces and forts are so unique and special to that area of India. It's all carved sandstone - priceless. They just don't make them like this any more... oh that's right, because it would take years! And we need things right now, right away. Anyway - The clothing and textiles there take on a unique persona. I have lived in HYD for most of my life, and it's incredible to see the vast changes within India's borders. So, here is a bit a visual treat - some pictures from Rajasthan. Hope you enjoy!

Waiting Love

Sitting here, pondering why,

Love for me has yet to come nigh,

A broken arrow lies in my lap,

My heart's waiting for more then a gentle tap,

That arrow was used to pierce my heart,

For in my agony it has played it's part,

Love is waiting for me to knock,

While my life is passing me by,

A drifting dream was caught before,

it could ever have flown or soar,

That passion concealed within my soul,

Now on my mind taking its toll,

Being right now makes me uncontent,

Last time I was right, injustice was spent,

Love is waiting for me to knock,

As my life is passing me by,

It has been a while...

Since I have last posted something on this page. And I vow to get better. I have a lot to say, and I want some feedback. So, I will try to be as diligent as I possibly can with this... ugh, blog stuff ;)

My Prize

Beauty running deeply through her veins,

Kindness evident through the dimples on her cheeks,

Honesty that her eyes would proclaim,

A smile that would make one's knees weak,

As pure as he moonbeams that now caress her face,

More mesmerizing than the stars that claim her eyes,

In my heart no other thing could replace,

For she is my daughter, she is my prize.